-BALANCE-

I'm starting to feel a sense of balance in my life.  My days are becoming easier. 

Sometimes I feel the need to constantly dissect my life and ascertain the reasons for daily stress.
Not necessarily a bad thing, right? 

But nothing is perfect, nor will it ever be. So trying to perfect one area of my life while ignoring the rest is a strenuous exercise.

For me, living this way is tiresome.  

Like all things worthy, patience is key and balance is a beautiful thing.

2.9.15

It started with being extremely stressed out working at the butcher shop. I moved to the Bay Area and immediately starting working. It was a stressful time in my life where the balance of work, my life, family and peace of mind was all out of whack. I worked over 60 hours a week in a city I knew nothing about. My commute was two hours everyday in the worst traffic imaginable. I would get to work at 7:30am to open the butcher shop. We broke down cuts for the meat case and I made as much sausage and pate as time allowed. We were understaffed so I also ran food, bussed tables, took food orders and put away produce orders. We closed at 6pm where I would close down the butcher shop and then go help the kitchen close down. I worked in the kitchen too. I'd get home at 9pm, my fiance would be asleep and I'd sit on my kitchen counter and drink wine alone. Our furniture and everything we owned didn't arrive until March and we lived with an air mattress and iPad.

Some time in February, I had a day off alone and bought a $4 yoga mat while running some errands. I did a yoga routine from Hulu on my iPad in my bare living room. 

It made me feel invincible. 

The sound of my breath humming in the back of my throat was surprisingly comforting.
Stretching my aching muscles felt so sensual.

Every morning while driving to the butcher shop I'd start to tense up. The closer I got to the shop, the more stressed I became. I'd run through every scenario in my head of what I might face when I'd get there and how I'd deal with it. My chef was an arrogant and inappropriate asshole and it took everything in me to fake a smile. 

One morning traffic was particularly horrible and I was at a dead stop in the road. We weren't moving an inch. I turned off the radio and began to breathe like I did in yoga. I did it every morning to calm my nerves before work. Long story short, I quit that job.

3.9.15

I'm jobless.

My fiance couldn't have been more supportive. He believed in me and my decisions. He let me figure it out for two weeks and worked overtime to make up for the income lost.

I'm doing yoga every morning and writing every establishment under the California sun, looking for a job. I get a call from a law firm for an interview. I go in and get a job as a legal receptionist.

By this time, I am happy with the decision I made. I'm well-rested and feel healthy. I take a job that is the complete opposite of what I'm used to. 

3.18.15

I'm completely secluded from the world. I'm working in an office with no windows.
I'd say it's a vintage office.
It's old looking and smells like it. No one is under the age of 40. I have a Windows 7 Pro computer and a telephone to connect calls to attorneys and their secretaries..

But I go in with an open mind and positive attitude. Maybe I can learn to become a paralegal. Maybe I will work my way up. Maybe something will become of this.

4.23.15

I get called into my bosses office and he tells me I'm doing a great job. He tells me maybe I could work more hours and start working on some projects. He says maybe I can. Right now, business is slow but it could pick up. 

I walk out of his office happy to hear I'm doing good, but concerned that the longevity here isn't attainable. 

Out of curiosity, I start looking for another job online. I come across an ad on Craigslist for a Personal Assistant. 

Personal assistant must have a culinary degree, 
enjoy living a healthy lifestyle, experienced assistant and love dogs.

I have a culinary degree. I love fitness. I love dogs. I have three!

A fire was lit inside me. In my heart. In my soul. I felt like this ad was reaching out to me.

This is me!

I wrote an exciting cover letter and was so thankful to be able to put down Receptionist as my current job. Yeah, I worked as an assistant for barely over a month but who cares! It's on there... And my reason for leaving is because I am looking for a career with longevity. 

Am I going to retire as a personal assistant? Probably not.

But working as an assistant to a CEO of a successful company in San Francisco will look pretty damn good on my resume. 

The woman that interviewed me was his assistant a year ago and worked her way up through the company, learning the in and outs and is now head of HR. Hence, why he needs a new assistant.

Maybe to some people, jumping from job to job doesn't look so great. May I tell you? This is not like me at all. I don't normally do this. But sometimes you have to take a step back and reflect on what the hell it is you're doing with yourself. Your life. Your career. And thankfully I had the love and support from my fiance to be able to do so.

Experiences, pain, suffering, victories, successes and failures
are all building blocks to the next best you.
A better you.

I'm feeling the balance that I've been searching for. I feel the weight being evenly distributed throughout my mind, body and life.

I start in a few weeks and couldn't be more excited.
Here's to a better me.


Cheers.

How I do a supported headstand

I decided to stick to one glass of wine last night instead of three. Sometimes when I'm cooking I don't even realize how many glasses I pour. I don't get drunk. I just enjoy the taste of red wine. It has always gone hand-in-hand with cooking in my kitchen. It's romantic to me. 

Bare feet. Sometimes wearing a little apron. Chopping some onions for beef bourguignon. Drinking red wine. Listening to Jackie Gleason or Regina Spektor. The aroma of garlic and fresh herbs.
C'mon. It's just romantic.

Waking up this morning felt effortless. It's becoming easier to wake up earlier than I actually have to and becoming very rewarding. Having the extra time in the morning to do yoga, shower, get ready for work, eat breakfast, do the dishes, play with the dogs, water the plants and FaceTime with my sister means when I get home from work I can walk into a clean home and simply go from there.

More yoga? Maybe. Play with my dogs? Yes. Cook dinner? No problem.

I periodically go on YogaJournal.com and read articles about how to better improve my form. It's all helpful and encouraging but most importantly, it's all about how you practice as an individual. 

I found an extremely helpful video on inversions that got me excited to try this morning. I've been building strength in my shoulders and arms for handstands mainly by working on my crane pose and  supported headstands.

After two months of practice, today I did a headstand. What I think got me there was realizing I could do a tripod egg pose without any support. After following this video I found new and easier ways to get me there.

Start in tripod dolphin (where your legs are straight down, like downward dog) and bring one knee at a time onto your forearms.

It took me a handful of tries but I finally got myself up. This made my day.

Breathe. Concentrate. Use your abdominal.

I then tried the other inversion, a supported headstand (salamba sirsanana)

This was much harder. Thankfully I rocked back and forth between the wall and the couch for support (I didn't plan that.. so I was thankful it worked out that way).

 It's easy to put all your weight on your head and neck but the key is to use your shoulder strength to hold yourself up and out of that locked position. 

If you don't feel you're there yet, do this against the wall. It took me two months to do this today. Practice makes perfect. 

I finished with a few heart-opening sequences and cut my elbow with my sharp claws that I need to cut. I was sweating and bleeding all over my mat and something about that made the weirdo inside of me feel POWERFUL. I just did a headstand for more than two seconds and it felt good. I am getting stronger.

Being strong is so gratifying. 

I have never envied the frail, hungry-looking woman in the black and white editorial photo. She's smoking a cigarette while looking out the window, slouched over on her over-sized window sill. Her mascara is running like she's been crying. Her effortless look isn't effortless at all.  She looks naive and weak. I've never wanted to look or be like that. 

I envy life, light and passion.

Why I prefer morning yoga

At first it was hard waking up an hour earlier than I normally would; given that I already wake up two hours before I leave for work. Having to be at work at 9:30am, I wake up at 6am. Now, I wake up at 5, sometimes 4am just to do yoga. 

Why? 

It is almost better than coffee in the morning. And when you have both... Watch out world!
 

Morning
Ashtanga Yoga.

This practice teaches you a series of poses, breathing techniques and how to quiet and center the mind. I like doing this in the morning because it wakes me up and energizes me for the rest of the day. I enjoy the sweat and burn in the morning followed by a hot shower. It's very refreshing. Waking up earlier than normal gives me more time in the morning to get ready for work, enjoy a healthy breakfast and prepare for the day ahead.

Right now I mainly practice with Hulu Plus yoga videos. 

My favorite video is by Yasmin Yoga. 

Yasmin is simply amazing. She makes every pose seem so easy and gives very precise instructions for every position. I go back and forth through three episodes of hers and pick random ones every once and a while from other instructors. It's been a great introduction to where I can go at my own pace, in the privacy of my cozy home. I've seen enormous transformation within my physical and mental self.

March 23rd.

April 8th.

My butt and arms look totally different! I was wearing a tight thong (TMI?) in this picture so it squished the top of my butt into a point. Never again..

Evening
Form and pose practice.

I like to practice certain poses I'm struggling with or interested in. Right now I'm pretty obsessed with being able to do a proper arm stand so I can eventually do an awesome handstand.

Why a handstand?

If I can do a proper handstand I know I have great shoulder, back and core strength. Plus they look awesome when doing one. Standing upside down increases circulation and re-directs blood flow throughout the body. To condition myself I'm stretching daily and practicing my crane pose and arms stands.

CRANE POSE

This picture was taken March 23rd. I held this position for maybe two seconds.

This was taken April 15th. I held this position for over 15 seconds and was able to cross my feet and pull my abdomen in, focusing more on form than length of time. I have more muscle tone here and overall strength. Three weeks may seem like a long time to nail this down, but with work and a happy love life, I didn't practice this everyday. However, I am excited to see what I can do in another three weeks.

An arm stand is where your forearms are shoulder width apart and flat on the ground and your body is held upright by your amazing shoulder, back and core strength.

Nighttime 
Gentle and soothing yoga.

I find videos online for nighttime yoga. It's basically deep breathing and stretching to get you relaxed for a deep sleep. At night, stretching and concentration on my breath relieves me of any tension or stress. I wake up feeling overall well-rested.

The times where I can practice a couple times a day,
I feel powerful, courageous, confident and peaceful.

I am so passionate about this because of what it's done for me personally. I've struggled with depression for five years and have always felt the need to look fit. It was difficult for me to clear my head of all the pain and heartache I carried.
Yoga may seem overrated and has become somewhat of a trend that rich, suburban moms can only afford. But you don't have to go to an expensive yoga class and buy colorful yoga pants in order to try it for yourself.

I like sharing with you what it's done for me because of how powerful it makes me feel. If I can in any way help someone feel the same, I must share.

It has improved my body, mind, confidence and sex life. The breathing techniques I learned from yoga got me through tough situations, dealing with people that make me nervous.. like when I interviewed for the job I have now. In every interview I've ever had, I literally choked on my words and couldn't even say what I really wanted to say from being so extremely nervous and insecure.
I NAILED my last interview. I did most of the talking, saying exactly what I wanted to say and it ended with me asking my boss the tough questions.
Even now as I write this I am sitting straight up with my legs crossed because I am naturally and constantly aware of my posture and body.


Yoga has been a one-stop-shop for me and I am absolutely in love with it.

Shut up and feel fabulous

I read an article the other day about Face Yoga. 

I laughed when I first read it but it definitely has me super intrigued. I tried a few moves at the office and was terrified someone was going to come around the corner and think I'm having a seizure.. 

And in the car, I look insane. 

But who cares.

I've done it for two days and my face feels a little sore and my ears feel like they're opening up. Face Yoga is supposed to help tone your face and neck. I'm going to keep it going and see what happens. 

I've been trying to find a good hair mask too.

I'm growing my hair out and the split ends are starting to show themselves. 

Tonight I will experiment and report back tomorrow.

I'm very new to taking the time to beautify myself in a detailed manner.

Meaning, I never used to paint my nails, wear hair masks, do yoga, sit up straight or workout my face muscles for crying out loud.

It's crazy what being in a rut can do to your mind and ultimately start showing on the outside. First you doubt yourself and then convince others to do the same. 

"fake it til you make it"

Do it for as long as it takes.

In a rut and feel gross today? 

Put your hair in a high bun, put on a oversized sweatshirt and skinny jeans or leggings and some lip gloss. Smile at everyone.

Feel like your hair is as dry as the desert? 

Try a hair mask! You probably have all the ingredients in your kitchen right now.

Massage your scalp when you shampoo to stimulate hair growth and enjoy the massage.

Comb conditioner through your hair in the shower and let it sit a few extra minutes before rinsing it out. 

Take control of your own body. Be gentle on yourself.

Your body is capable of so much more. The hardest part is convincing your mind.

How I got a job with no experience whatsoever

Original Message:

Hi, my name is Bethany Cavender and I'm interested in your position listed on Craigslist. I'm friendly and work hard.

To be quite honest, I've been cooking in the food industry for years. And to be more honest, I'm tired of it. I just moved here with my fiancé from Atlanta, Ga. He's a welder in San Francisco and I've been on a long road to chef-dom.

When I moved here I told myself I'd find something new. I'm in search for a new avenue. I love the idea of working m-f, 9-5 or 6. Or whenever. No I don't have much experience in this position but I am a hard worker, I'm capable, I'm easy to work with and friendly. I just want a reliable job where others can rely on me too.

If interested, I'd love to meet for an interview. I'm always on time, if not a few minutes early.

If you want someone who is hard working and honest, a fast learner and friendly to work for you, please contact me.

          Best!

This is the email I wrote to my current employer... 

How did THIS email help get me a job? How did I get picked out of 15 other applicants with years of experience? 

When I first got the call from my job, I was very surprised. In my email I clearly stated I had no experience for the position whatsoever. I went back and read my original email and laughed out loud.

Why me?

I was very skeptical. Even though I decided not to professionally cook anymore, I kept letting the fact that I was stepping out of my comfort zone be the little devil on my shoulder telling me this will be boring, I will hate every second of this and I should just say I am not interested but thanks anyway.

Sometimes being out of your comfort zone can take you places. Far away places.. like maybe California.

When I went in for my interview I was nervous. My heart was beating out of my chest and I was beyond tense.

One of the many beneficial lessons I get out of yoga is controlling my breath. When I control my breath, I control my heart. And when I control my heart, I control my brain waves. Controlling my brain waves makes me more present. Being present, breathing and listening to your heart beat pushes out the extra noise in and around you.

When I approached the office doors, I stopped before going in. I took a deep breath in and let a deep breath out. I could literally hear my heart beating and ringing in my ears from anxiousness. I stood there and continued to slow down my breath until my breath and heart we working together as one. 

I did not go inside until I had control of my own body.

Sometimes shit happens. Some moments in life can and will have a traumatic impact on you, and creep up on you when you least expect it. Overtime, I have become a nervous person around strangers. It takes me a long time to feel comfortable around people and even longer to invest trust in someone. In past interviews I would freeze up and not be able to finish a sentence I started. I used to not have this problem. I used to be a social butterfly. But things happen. Shit happens. How you deal with pain can change you. 

I highly recommend therapy if you think you need it. 

It changed my life.

Once I entered the office I knew I was ready. I kept concentration on my breathing to keep my heart calm. By the time I sat down to talk, I was ready to kill it. 

My interviewer/now boss was very aware of my no experience email and resume. And of course he asked me why I applied and why I decided to make the change. I simply told him my honest truth. I was wanting a change in scenery. I wanted to experience my life a little more. 

He asked me why I applied to his company. I told him because he posted an ad on Craigslist. That's why.

Then I turned it all around. 

I asked him why he even responded to my email? It's almost comical. Why me?

His response summarized:

My email grabbed him. He read between the lines in my email. 

He said he could relate to where I was at. A time of reflection is an important part of someones life and everybody does it. 

If I'm a point in my life where I need to take a step back and change it up, he knows how that feels. He's been there too. 

 If my resume is all restaurants but I'm applying for an office job, why? He wanted to know. 

Gaining insight from my words, the context of my words and my behavior was what brought everything together. No, I didn't have any experience for position I applied for. But I sold myself in other ways. 

I sold myself. 

My interview was long and I did most of the talking. 

Not one time did I freeze up, choke on my words, hear my voice start to sound like I was in a car on a rocky road... Not one time! 

(this is a record for me so far)

Thank you yoga.

At the end of an interview, the interviewer usually asks if you have any questions. Normally, I say no or just ask what the compensation for the position is. This time I asked many questions. I think turning the interview around to where I was now interviewing him was very smart.

I asked if he had any doubts in my qualifications for the position. What would be my biggest challenge starting out? What are the main concerns for the office right now? What is the compensation??

The ending to this interview fairytale is I got picked out of a group of people with more experience, I think, because of how honest I was and the way I presented myself. I wasn't another drone going in there with a standard resume, being a "yes woman" and answering questions the way I think they would want to hear. 

I  let myself shine through the unqualified applicant I was, and now, I am not.