-BALANCE-

I'm starting to feel a sense of balance in my life.  My days are becoming easier. 

Sometimes I feel the need to constantly dissect my life and ascertain the reasons for daily stress.
Not necessarily a bad thing, right? 

But nothing is perfect, nor will it ever be. So trying to perfect one area of my life while ignoring the rest is a strenuous exercise.

For me, living this way is tiresome.  

Like all things worthy, patience is key and balance is a beautiful thing.

2.9.15

It started with being extremely stressed out working at the butcher shop. I moved to the Bay Area and immediately starting working. It was a stressful time in my life where the balance of work, my life, family and peace of mind was all out of whack. I worked over 60 hours a week in a city I knew nothing about. My commute was two hours everyday in the worst traffic imaginable. I would get to work at 7:30am to open the butcher shop. We broke down cuts for the meat case and I made as much sausage and pate as time allowed. We were understaffed so I also ran food, bussed tables, took food orders and put away produce orders. We closed at 6pm where I would close down the butcher shop and then go help the kitchen close down. I worked in the kitchen too. I'd get home at 9pm, my fiance would be asleep and I'd sit on my kitchen counter and drink wine alone. Our furniture and everything we owned didn't arrive until March and we lived with an air mattress and iPad.

Some time in February, I had a day off alone and bought a $4 yoga mat while running some errands. I did a yoga routine from Hulu on my iPad in my bare living room. 

It made me feel invincible. 

The sound of my breath humming in the back of my throat was surprisingly comforting.
Stretching my aching muscles felt so sensual.

Every morning while driving to the butcher shop I'd start to tense up. The closer I got to the shop, the more stressed I became. I'd run through every scenario in my head of what I might face when I'd get there and how I'd deal with it. My chef was an arrogant and inappropriate asshole and it took everything in me to fake a smile. 

One morning traffic was particularly horrible and I was at a dead stop in the road. We weren't moving an inch. I turned off the radio and began to breathe like I did in yoga. I did it every morning to calm my nerves before work. Long story short, I quit that job.

3.9.15

I'm jobless.

My fiance couldn't have been more supportive. He believed in me and my decisions. He let me figure it out for two weeks and worked overtime to make up for the income lost.

I'm doing yoga every morning and writing every establishment under the California sun, looking for a job. I get a call from a law firm for an interview. I go in and get a job as a legal receptionist.

By this time, I am happy with the decision I made. I'm well-rested and feel healthy. I take a job that is the complete opposite of what I'm used to. 

3.18.15

I'm completely secluded from the world. I'm working in an office with no windows.
I'd say it's a vintage office.
It's old looking and smells like it. No one is under the age of 40. I have a Windows 7 Pro computer and a telephone to connect calls to attorneys and their secretaries..

But I go in with an open mind and positive attitude. Maybe I can learn to become a paralegal. Maybe I will work my way up. Maybe something will become of this.

4.23.15

I get called into my bosses office and he tells me I'm doing a great job. He tells me maybe I could work more hours and start working on some projects. He says maybe I can. Right now, business is slow but it could pick up. 

I walk out of his office happy to hear I'm doing good, but concerned that the longevity here isn't attainable. 

Out of curiosity, I start looking for another job online. I come across an ad on Craigslist for a Personal Assistant. 

Personal assistant must have a culinary degree, 
enjoy living a healthy lifestyle, experienced assistant and love dogs.

I have a culinary degree. I love fitness. I love dogs. I have three!

A fire was lit inside me. In my heart. In my soul. I felt like this ad was reaching out to me.

This is me!

I wrote an exciting cover letter and was so thankful to be able to put down Receptionist as my current job. Yeah, I worked as an assistant for barely over a month but who cares! It's on there... And my reason for leaving is because I am looking for a career with longevity. 

Am I going to retire as a personal assistant? Probably not.

But working as an assistant to a CEO of a successful company in San Francisco will look pretty damn good on my resume. 

The woman that interviewed me was his assistant a year ago and worked her way up through the company, learning the in and outs and is now head of HR. Hence, why he needs a new assistant.

Maybe to some people, jumping from job to job doesn't look so great. May I tell you? This is not like me at all. I don't normally do this. But sometimes you have to take a step back and reflect on what the hell it is you're doing with yourself. Your life. Your career. And thankfully I had the love and support from my fiance to be able to do so.

Experiences, pain, suffering, victories, successes and failures
are all building blocks to the next best you.
A better you.

I'm feeling the balance that I've been searching for. I feel the weight being evenly distributed throughout my mind, body and life.

I start in a few weeks and couldn't be more excited.
Here's to a better me.


Cheers.

#TUESDAY

I just wanted to share this experience with you.

This morning I put on some black wedges that I officially feel comfortable walking around in. I thought it matched my black and white striped shirt very well. 

During my lunch break I noticed my left shoe was starting to come apart when I walked. It was opening and closing, making a clapping noise every time I took a step. I figured I could drag my left foot a little bit and maybe people would think I injured my foot and not notice the back of my wedges coming apart.

I've gotten to know the baristas at the coffee shop down the street from my work. They know my name but I don't know theirs... go me.

There are four of them, all older than me and are extremely sweet. 

I tried not to make any sudden movements while I was in there..  I tried to keep the integrity of my shoe together.

Leaving the coffee shop, one of the baristas was outside smoking a cigarette with his buddies. They were all so nice and asked me how my day was. I smiled and pretended I was very busy and needed to rush back to work.

The attention was on me because I am the likable, polite customer that always comes in with a smile and asks them how their day is going and I was all of the sudden too busy to stop for small talk.

I start walking up the hill, limping like I have a foot injury and all I hear and feel are BOTH of my feet clapping up and down, making noise and detaching themselves more and more.

It was like someone hit the 'mute' button.

The street was silent. The cars were driving by in slow motion and the drivers were crashing into each other carelessly with their jaws dropped and their angry eyebrows scrunched up with disbelief.

I could feel the looks I was getting from behind.. 

Here I am too busy to talk, limping like I have a serious foot injury, trying to drag my feet walking uphill and my shoes are falling apart right before their eyes. 

~drag, clap, drag, clap, drag, clap, spill coffee~

When I got to the top of the hill I stopped to gather myself. 

Okay my shoes are about to fall off and my building is right across the street. If I can make it inside maybe these people can go back to their daily lives and try to move on from this horrific scene.

As I get ready to cross the street I lifted my left foot up to see how much time I had until this wedge decides to finally jump ship. And when I lifted my foot, the wedge stayed on the ground.

It jumped.

I picked up the broken wedge and was now walking with one flat shoe and one tall wedge. 

A true reason to limp. 

As I crossed the street I saw a girl who looked my age walking in my direction. As I limp with my broken wedge in my hand I look at her for relief. I smile and smirk like, 

Tuesdays right?!?

She does not laugh. She does not smile.

She doesn't get it.

I finally get inside my office building. 

I am safe. I can hear the street start to move again. 

At work I always take the stairs. I do it for exercise. Even if my shoe is broken.

As I walk up the stairs my right shoe starts to fall off and I burst into laughter.

WHAT IS THIS?!?

Before I could do anything else I stopped to take a picture.

My shoes turned into flats.

I threw my dead wedges in the trash and went back to work.

As I write this my co-worker is drying her shirt with paper towels from spilling soy sauce all over her chest.

#tuesdays