Where do you see yourself in ten years?

What does that mean to you?

Is it something within reach or is it something that seems impossible to have?

Are you currently working towards it right now? Everyday, you're waking up, living it and every move you make is thought out with your dream job in mind? Is it a dream job?

In order to make it in this world you have to work, right?

Unless you're a trust fund kid or somehow your looks alone keep getting you from point A to point B.

What if you don't quite know what your dream job is yet? You thought you did but then life happens and obstacles stand in your way. Which way do you turn? Do you keep fighting off everyday demons in order to keep going down that same path?

Or do you decide to stop and turn down a different direction and see if that road is easier or makes more sense to take?

Sometimes you think you have it all figured out until one day you realize it just doesn't make sense anymore. You've been doing the same thing for so long that you thought it was who you were. And then one day you realize it's just all you've ever known.

In the past, I felt like I needed to know coming out of high school (aka dropping out of high school and getting my GED), what I wanted to do and go for it. A lot of young people do. At first I tried to get into culinary school on my own and realized I couldn't afford it. I didn't really have the guidance and knowledge of loans or grants at the time. I moved out of my parents house at 17 and thought I knew it all. 

My dad was a contractor and my mom was a realtor so I paid for real estate schooling. I got all the way through my state exam and then I pulled out. The dues and costs of an office scared me and I knew it wasn't what I really wanted to do.

Then I finally got my dad to go with me to culinary school and we took out loans that were too big and I received a few grants and graduated culinary school. 

I am glad I went to culinary school because I learned a lot and had a lot of fun but the amount of debt I have from those loans will be with me for the rest of my life.

I worked my way up through some successful restaurants throughout Atlanta. 

Living in Atlanta and Decatur, that worked for me. My fiance worked as a bartender and we worked and lived the industry life. At that time in our lives, it made sense.

Atlanta and Decatur's food scene is worth checking out if you ever get the chance.
Hands down amazing.

Moving to California was a decision we made together. The main reason we moved is because we simply love California. It's breathtaking here. Other than the very unfortunate drought that we're in, it is perfect weather everyday. 

The life lessons we're learning are very valuable to us. However, you can go out and find opportunities everywhere! It all depends on what exactly you're looking for.

Now that we know we can survive out here, we know we can survive anywhere!

We've learned to budget our money because we absolutely have to but also because we should.

We use mint.com 

It's great. 

We know how much we need to be bringing in to pay all of our bills and still be putting away a good amount into savings. The savings is for our wedding, our honeymoon, future babies, etc.

When we first moved out here, I didn't think we were going to make it. A lot of that is because I can easily lose confidence in myself at the drop of a hat. It's like a sickness. You get super hyped up and proud of yourself. You go out and get something you've really wanted, like a new job or gig. And the moment you get it and all the excitement starts to simmer down, the evil insecurities start to creep in.

Did you just oversell yourself? Do you think you can do all the things you said you can? Are you sure you can pull this off? 

That kind of doubt can eat you alive. It's done it to me so many times.

I just went out and got something I have always wanted. It is basically my dream job.. 

It's too early to talk about right now but I got it. It's mine. The second I got it and the excitement started to go down, I immediately started doubting everything I said I could do. But I know I can do everything I said I can. I do it all the time. It's my life. 

Being confident and open to the world keeps me going. I have to keep going.

Someone asked me the other day where I see myself in ten years.

How can one possibly answer that? One, it's impossible. And two, I don't want to put ONE idea in my head of what I am going to be doing in ten years. 

All I know is that if I keep going, keep pushing and striving to be the best to myself and my loved ones and never lose that confidence that is going to give me every opportunity in the world, in ten years I will be exactly where I want to be.

How I got a job with no experience whatsoever

Original Message:

Hi, my name is Bethany Cavender and I'm interested in your position listed on Craigslist. I'm friendly and work hard.

To be quite honest, I've been cooking in the food industry for years. And to be more honest, I'm tired of it. I just moved here with my fiancé from Atlanta, Ga. He's a welder in San Francisco and I've been on a long road to chef-dom.

When I moved here I told myself I'd find something new. I'm in search for a new avenue. I love the idea of working m-f, 9-5 or 6. Or whenever. No I don't have much experience in this position but I am a hard worker, I'm capable, I'm easy to work with and friendly. I just want a reliable job where others can rely on me too.

If interested, I'd love to meet for an interview. I'm always on time, if not a few minutes early.

If you want someone who is hard working and honest, a fast learner and friendly to work for you, please contact me.

          Best!

This is the email I wrote to my current employer... 

How did THIS email help get me a job? How did I get picked out of 15 other applicants with years of experience? 

When I first got the call from my job, I was very surprised. In my email I clearly stated I had no experience for the position whatsoever. I went back and read my original email and laughed out loud.

Why me?

I was very skeptical. Even though I decided not to professionally cook anymore, I kept letting the fact that I was stepping out of my comfort zone be the little devil on my shoulder telling me this will be boring, I will hate every second of this and I should just say I am not interested but thanks anyway.

Sometimes being out of your comfort zone can take you places. Far away places.. like maybe California.

When I went in for my interview I was nervous. My heart was beating out of my chest and I was beyond tense.

One of the many beneficial lessons I get out of yoga is controlling my breath. When I control my breath, I control my heart. And when I control my heart, I control my brain waves. Controlling my brain waves makes me more present. Being present, breathing and listening to your heart beat pushes out the extra noise in and around you.

When I approached the office doors, I stopped before going in. I took a deep breath in and let a deep breath out. I could literally hear my heart beating and ringing in my ears from anxiousness. I stood there and continued to slow down my breath until my breath and heart we working together as one. 

I did not go inside until I had control of my own body.

Sometimes shit happens. Some moments in life can and will have a traumatic impact on you, and creep up on you when you least expect it. Overtime, I have become a nervous person around strangers. It takes me a long time to feel comfortable around people and even longer to invest trust in someone. In past interviews I would freeze up and not be able to finish a sentence I started. I used to not have this problem. I used to be a social butterfly. But things happen. Shit happens. How you deal with pain can change you. 

I highly recommend therapy if you think you need it. 

It changed my life.

Once I entered the office I knew I was ready. I kept concentration on my breathing to keep my heart calm. By the time I sat down to talk, I was ready to kill it. 

My interviewer/now boss was very aware of my no experience email and resume. And of course he asked me why I applied and why I decided to make the change. I simply told him my honest truth. I was wanting a change in scenery. I wanted to experience my life a little more. 

He asked me why I applied to his company. I told him because he posted an ad on Craigslist. That's why.

Then I turned it all around. 

I asked him why he even responded to my email? It's almost comical. Why me?

His response summarized:

My email grabbed him. He read between the lines in my email. 

He said he could relate to where I was at. A time of reflection is an important part of someones life and everybody does it. 

If I'm a point in my life where I need to take a step back and change it up, he knows how that feels. He's been there too. 

 If my resume is all restaurants but I'm applying for an office job, why? He wanted to know. 

Gaining insight from my words, the context of my words and my behavior was what brought everything together. No, I didn't have any experience for position I applied for. But I sold myself in other ways. 

I sold myself. 

My interview was long and I did most of the talking. 

Not one time did I freeze up, choke on my words, hear my voice start to sound like I was in a car on a rocky road... Not one time! 

(this is a record for me so far)

Thank you yoga.

At the end of an interview, the interviewer usually asks if you have any questions. Normally, I say no or just ask what the compensation for the position is. This time I asked many questions. I think turning the interview around to where I was now interviewing him was very smart.

I asked if he had any doubts in my qualifications for the position. What would be my biggest challenge starting out? What are the main concerns for the office right now? What is the compensation??

The ending to this interview fairytale is I got picked out of a group of people with more experience, I think, because of how honest I was and the way I presented myself. I wasn't another drone going in there with a standard resume, being a "yes woman" and answering questions the way I think they would want to hear. 

I  let myself shine through the unqualified applicant I was, and now, I am not.

I want to live in a world of grey.

It's 11:36am on a Tuesday. I've been at work for three hours now. In one hour I take my lunch break and work for three more hours. When 4 o'clock hits, I go home. That's it. I just go home.

When I woke up this morning I checked my nails to make sure the paint remained smooth like it was when I painted them the night before. This, by the way, is not normal. However,  my morning  routine remains the same in any situation.. Three cups of coffee, an over-easy egg on a bagel, english muffin or steel-cut oats. I let my three fury children out, then beg for them to come back inside and then I sit and reflect.

At the point where I decide to start getting ready, I mean taking the physical and cosmetic steps of getting ready for work, is where everything has changed for me. And that's really just the beginning.

The past seven years of my adult life were spent in restaurant kitchens. I was the girl with tattoos, hair hidden away in a bandanna, burn marks up and down her arms and a band-aid somewhere on my body.. I wasn't careless.. I actually cared a lot. I think I was just willing to take a risk in order to get the job done. 

If I knew I needed to put up food at that very moment that the entire range was filled with hot pans on full blast, I was willing to reach into the ripping blue and orange fire in order to retrieve the pan I needed in order to plate the food.

I worked all nights, weekends and holidays. Starting out at 21 years old, this schedule didn't matter to me. I was proud and willing to work any shift to prove myself. I missed out on many holidays, brunches, dinners and time with my family. But when you're young and you just worked a 12 hour shift with your friends in unimaginable conditions, all you want to do is have a beer (or three), go to sleep and do it again.

Being 27 years old now, I decided to leave my kitchen manager/charcutier job in Georgia and move across the country to beautiful California with the love of my life. 

Why?

Why not?! We decided to let go of fear and possible regrets and just do it. We drove for three days across the country with our three dogs in a Toyota Camry and arrived at a house we rented "sight-unseen" with nothing but an air mattress and suitcase. Thankfully the house was as beautiful in person as it looked in pictures. All of our belongings were shipped on a freight and arrived over a month later, half broken and half missing. I got a job as a butcher in Oakland and my love got a job welding in San Francisco. In our first month in California, we both quit our jobs.

We strive for a better life. We moved to California to better ourselves. 

We decided as a team to stay forever skyward.

We both didn't agree with our bosses. We both were tired. We both felt defeated. 

We aren't the type of people to quit. We stick it out! However, this time I reminded myself why we moved and how we got to where we are. Hard work. Sacrifice. Blood. Sweat. Tears. 

To move across the country to better ourselves, only to work for people who have their own ideas of self-respect and worth that aren't of ours, is just not worth it.

My love quit first, and a few weeks later I did too. At the time, it was terrifying. We were scared of so many unknowns. To think that we may have failed or made the wrong decision was tough. But there are some things I learned about myself and him.. When you're completely humbled and brought to your knees, you have two choices. You can give up and ask for someone to take the reigns for you and get you out of the mess you're in. Or you can shake it off, remember who you are and what you take personal pride in, and control your own destiny.

For me, I was at a point where I wanted to see, support and love the one family I have with me here. My fiance.

 Working over 60 hours a week for a jerk wasn't helping me. I took a week and really thought about what was important to me. Yes, my career has always been important to me. 

But as I took time to reflect on myself and the family I have, pursuing a life as a chef just didn't seem to fit. The hours would keep us on opposite schedules. Do I want to move to an unknown place and never see my family? No. Do I want to keep working for asshole chefs that think because I'm the only female in the kitchen, they can treat me like I'm their mom or girlfriend? 

Go away.

Do I want to be home in time to cook for my family, play with my dogs, clean my house, pick up on old hobbies, start new ones, make new friends and keep the ones I have? 

YES!

I decided not to get a cooking job. WHAT?!?! You heard me! 

Is this forever??? 

Nothing is forever. This is for right now. 

I used to live in the past and the future. That way of living is dead to me. I live in the present.

Most people have been encouraging but there are some that gave me a hard time. The people that gave me a hard time are stuck in black and white. 

I want to live in a world of grey.

Today I am happy. I woke up with painted nails and they make me feel pretty. My hair isn't in a tight bun on top of my head and I'm not wearing my grease-stained jeans with my t-shirts that smell like french fries. I'm wearing a blouse and am slowly learning to walk in heels and that alone feels painfully awesome.

When 4 o'clock hits, I leave to go home. It's that simple.  The sun is still out and I do yoga in my backyard while my dogs roll in the grass. My lover comes home and we eat a meal together that I cooked. I cook for a loving and kind man. That makes me smile.

I'll never stop cooking or writing recipes or dream about food. Food is my passion and it always will be. But you see, the best part about this big decision I made is that I'm learning I am a very passionate person about many different things. 

Not just one.