-BALANCE-

I'm starting to feel a sense of balance in my life.  My days are becoming easier. 

Sometimes I feel the need to constantly dissect my life and ascertain the reasons for daily stress.
Not necessarily a bad thing, right? 

But nothing is perfect, nor will it ever be. So trying to perfect one area of my life while ignoring the rest is a strenuous exercise.

For me, living this way is tiresome.  

Like all things worthy, patience is key and balance is a beautiful thing.

2.9.15

It started with being extremely stressed out working at the butcher shop. I moved to the Bay Area and immediately starting working. It was a stressful time in my life where the balance of work, my life, family and peace of mind was all out of whack. I worked over 60 hours a week in a city I knew nothing about. My commute was two hours everyday in the worst traffic imaginable. I would get to work at 7:30am to open the butcher shop. We broke down cuts for the meat case and I made as much sausage and pate as time allowed. We were understaffed so I also ran food, bussed tables, took food orders and put away produce orders. We closed at 6pm where I would close down the butcher shop and then go help the kitchen close down. I worked in the kitchen too. I'd get home at 9pm, my fiance would be asleep and I'd sit on my kitchen counter and drink wine alone. Our furniture and everything we owned didn't arrive until March and we lived with an air mattress and iPad.

Some time in February, I had a day off alone and bought a $4 yoga mat while running some errands. I did a yoga routine from Hulu on my iPad in my bare living room. 

It made me feel invincible. 

The sound of my breath humming in the back of my throat was surprisingly comforting.
Stretching my aching muscles felt so sensual.

Every morning while driving to the butcher shop I'd start to tense up. The closer I got to the shop, the more stressed I became. I'd run through every scenario in my head of what I might face when I'd get there and how I'd deal with it. My chef was an arrogant and inappropriate asshole and it took everything in me to fake a smile. 

One morning traffic was particularly horrible and I was at a dead stop in the road. We weren't moving an inch. I turned off the radio and began to breathe like I did in yoga. I did it every morning to calm my nerves before work. Long story short, I quit that job.

3.9.15

I'm jobless.

My fiance couldn't have been more supportive. He believed in me and my decisions. He let me figure it out for two weeks and worked overtime to make up for the income lost.

I'm doing yoga every morning and writing every establishment under the California sun, looking for a job. I get a call from a law firm for an interview. I go in and get a job as a legal receptionist.

By this time, I am happy with the decision I made. I'm well-rested and feel healthy. I take a job that is the complete opposite of what I'm used to. 

3.18.15

I'm completely secluded from the world. I'm working in an office with no windows.
I'd say it's a vintage office.
It's old looking and smells like it. No one is under the age of 40. I have a Windows 7 Pro computer and a telephone to connect calls to attorneys and their secretaries..

But I go in with an open mind and positive attitude. Maybe I can learn to become a paralegal. Maybe I will work my way up. Maybe something will become of this.

4.23.15

I get called into my bosses office and he tells me I'm doing a great job. He tells me maybe I could work more hours and start working on some projects. He says maybe I can. Right now, business is slow but it could pick up. 

I walk out of his office happy to hear I'm doing good, but concerned that the longevity here isn't attainable. 

Out of curiosity, I start looking for another job online. I come across an ad on Craigslist for a Personal Assistant. 

Personal assistant must have a culinary degree, 
enjoy living a healthy lifestyle, experienced assistant and love dogs.

I have a culinary degree. I love fitness. I love dogs. I have three!

A fire was lit inside me. In my heart. In my soul. I felt like this ad was reaching out to me.

This is me!

I wrote an exciting cover letter and was so thankful to be able to put down Receptionist as my current job. Yeah, I worked as an assistant for barely over a month but who cares! It's on there... And my reason for leaving is because I am looking for a career with longevity. 

Am I going to retire as a personal assistant? Probably not.

But working as an assistant to a CEO of a successful company in San Francisco will look pretty damn good on my resume. 

The woman that interviewed me was his assistant a year ago and worked her way up through the company, learning the in and outs and is now head of HR. Hence, why he needs a new assistant.

Maybe to some people, jumping from job to job doesn't look so great. May I tell you? This is not like me at all. I don't normally do this. But sometimes you have to take a step back and reflect on what the hell it is you're doing with yourself. Your life. Your career. And thankfully I had the love and support from my fiance to be able to do so.

Experiences, pain, suffering, victories, successes and failures
are all building blocks to the next best you.
A better you.

I'm feeling the balance that I've been searching for. I feel the weight being evenly distributed throughout my mind, body and life.

I start in a few weeks and couldn't be more excited.
Here's to a better me.


Cheers.

The give and take in my world of cooking

I think it's obvious that when you change jobs, move or stop doing the same thing you've been doing for the last several years, your priorities change.

When you do all three, you might feel a little lost.

When we first moved to northern California I had a difficult time adjusting to not being home in time to cook or eat dinner with my love. I grew up cooking dinner with my stepmom and eating dinner with the entire family at the table. As soon as I met my fiance, I tried winning him over with home-cooked meals to show my affection for him much like I've grown up seeing.

It's a southern thing and Korean culture to cook for your husband. Cooking for him has always been important to me.

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I no longer work 12 hours a day and am home now to cook and eat dinner with my man. 

It's awesome!

It's no surprise that California is one of the most expensive states to live in in the U.S. 

So when we first moved here and a loaf of bread cost nearly $3 and organic milk is $6.50, my priorities had to change.

I was like a child that didn't get my way. When we first went into the store with insane prices and hardly any organic options, I panicked.

What are we going to eat?!?!

I wanted to make mushroom ragout like we did at my old job.. 

I need red wine, herbs, five different types of mushrooms, garlic, heavy cream, I need to make beef stock.. Where are the beef bones??? 

 I stood there horrified.. I started going around picking up any vegetable that said organic and putting it in my basket with my bottom lip so far out you'd trip over it.

My world revolved around cooking and eating. It was all I could think about. What am I going to make, what are we going to eat this weekend, what do I need to buy to make this or that?

I'd spend $50 on ingredients for one meal. 

It got expensive because I was cooking like I was on Iron Chef.

When we got home from the store I realized I couldn't make big, elaborate dinners like before, every single night. We can't afford to. Spending $20 to make a sauce for one or two nights isn't smart. Not for us anyway. 

The slow realization came over me and it actually made me feel a sense of relief. 

There is more to life than cooking and eating. There is more to life than food. 

Yes, we need it to survive. It brings people together, it varies from culture to culture and is a beautiful thing we share with our loved ones. Trust me, I know.

But it consumed my mind, ego and bank account.

When my family back home comes to town or it's Thanksgiving at our house, of course I'm going to cook my heart out. I love it.

Making simple food is still pleasing to both me and my fiance. No one is at a loss, if anything, more of a financial and healthy gain. 

It's a give and take.

Of course, it's easier for us because we are a party of two. I know that one day this will no longer apply and we'll have to buy a little more but the principle remains the same. 

Don't get so worked up when you have to change your routine and a lifestyle you've become accustomed to. It's okay.

It took me weeks to figure out which grocery store I could go to for certain things. Thankfully I found a CSA that delivers in my neighborhood. It costs the same price as a grocery store, it's local, organic and is delivered right to my doorstep.

Farm Fresh To You

This week we got:

red leaf lettuce

asparagus

tokyo turnips

king richard leeks

kiwis

a bag of valencia oranges

a bag of fuji apples

enough for 4 people in this box.

Cost: $33

What I like about this is that it's seasonal, local and organic. Seasonal fruits and vegetables vary region-to-region. So far, this works for us. We get a delivery every week and can add or take off whatever we want. You can even add honey, coffee, trail mix, apple juice and eggs!

The price varies on size and you can have it delivered every week, every other, every three weeks or every four weeks.

I still go to the store for dog food, milk, coffee, etc. The point of a CSA isn't to cut out the trip to the store but to give us seasonal and organic options we can't exactly find in our local grocery stores.

With this I try and stretch as many simple meals as I can.. I always have things like quinoa, brown rice, lentils,  english muffins, dry beans, frozen vegetables and homemade vegetable stock I make with an on-going collection of vegetable scraps from cooking. Simmer vegetable stock for 30 minutes.

Not being so focused on what I'm going to cook every night frees up my time. I took on yoga two months ago and am so glad I did. It has changed my body physically and mentally. 

I used to spend an hour in the store and hours cooking in my kitchen. Before I knew it my night was half gone. Although I know my fiance appreciated the elaborate meals, he appreciates me spending time with him more and so do I. 

It's been a lot of give and take and a fun learning experience for us both.

I'm at that fun point in my adult life where shit is getting real. I'm 27, I'm planning a wedding, working a new job I'm not used to, living somewhere new, our rent is higher than I ever imagined, I have baby fever and am homesick.

I'm thankful for my fiance every single second of every single day. 

He is everything to me.

This blog keeps me going and I like sharing my experiences with you. 

Whoever you are.

I'm so happy it's Friday. 

I can taste the beer now...

Happy Friday everyone!