-BALANCE-

I'm starting to feel a sense of balance in my life.  My days are becoming easier. 

Sometimes I feel the need to constantly dissect my life and ascertain the reasons for daily stress.
Not necessarily a bad thing, right? 

But nothing is perfect, nor will it ever be. So trying to perfect one area of my life while ignoring the rest is a strenuous exercise.

For me, living this way is tiresome.  

Like all things worthy, patience is key and balance is a beautiful thing.

2.9.15

It started with being extremely stressed out working at the butcher shop. I moved to the Bay Area and immediately starting working. It was a stressful time in my life where the balance of work, my life, family and peace of mind was all out of whack. I worked over 60 hours a week in a city I knew nothing about. My commute was two hours everyday in the worst traffic imaginable. I would get to work at 7:30am to open the butcher shop. We broke down cuts for the meat case and I made as much sausage and pate as time allowed. We were understaffed so I also ran food, bussed tables, took food orders and put away produce orders. We closed at 6pm where I would close down the butcher shop and then go help the kitchen close down. I worked in the kitchen too. I'd get home at 9pm, my fiance would be asleep and I'd sit on my kitchen counter and drink wine alone. Our furniture and everything we owned didn't arrive until March and we lived with an air mattress and iPad.

Some time in February, I had a day off alone and bought a $4 yoga mat while running some errands. I did a yoga routine from Hulu on my iPad in my bare living room. 

It made me feel invincible. 

The sound of my breath humming in the back of my throat was surprisingly comforting.
Stretching my aching muscles felt so sensual.

Every morning while driving to the butcher shop I'd start to tense up. The closer I got to the shop, the more stressed I became. I'd run through every scenario in my head of what I might face when I'd get there and how I'd deal with it. My chef was an arrogant and inappropriate asshole and it took everything in me to fake a smile. 

One morning traffic was particularly horrible and I was at a dead stop in the road. We weren't moving an inch. I turned off the radio and began to breathe like I did in yoga. I did it every morning to calm my nerves before work. Long story short, I quit that job.

3.9.15

I'm jobless.

My fiance couldn't have been more supportive. He believed in me and my decisions. He let me figure it out for two weeks and worked overtime to make up for the income lost.

I'm doing yoga every morning and writing every establishment under the California sun, looking for a job. I get a call from a law firm for an interview. I go in and get a job as a legal receptionist.

By this time, I am happy with the decision I made. I'm well-rested and feel healthy. I take a job that is the complete opposite of what I'm used to. 

3.18.15

I'm completely secluded from the world. I'm working in an office with no windows.
I'd say it's a vintage office.
It's old looking and smells like it. No one is under the age of 40. I have a Windows 7 Pro computer and a telephone to connect calls to attorneys and their secretaries..

But I go in with an open mind and positive attitude. Maybe I can learn to become a paralegal. Maybe I will work my way up. Maybe something will become of this.

4.23.15

I get called into my bosses office and he tells me I'm doing a great job. He tells me maybe I could work more hours and start working on some projects. He says maybe I can. Right now, business is slow but it could pick up. 

I walk out of his office happy to hear I'm doing good, but concerned that the longevity here isn't attainable. 

Out of curiosity, I start looking for another job online. I come across an ad on Craigslist for a Personal Assistant. 

Personal assistant must have a culinary degree, 
enjoy living a healthy lifestyle, experienced assistant and love dogs.

I have a culinary degree. I love fitness. I love dogs. I have three!

A fire was lit inside me. In my heart. In my soul. I felt like this ad was reaching out to me.

This is me!

I wrote an exciting cover letter and was so thankful to be able to put down Receptionist as my current job. Yeah, I worked as an assistant for barely over a month but who cares! It's on there... And my reason for leaving is because I am looking for a career with longevity. 

Am I going to retire as a personal assistant? Probably not.

But working as an assistant to a CEO of a successful company in San Francisco will look pretty damn good on my resume. 

The woman that interviewed me was his assistant a year ago and worked her way up through the company, learning the in and outs and is now head of HR. Hence, why he needs a new assistant.

Maybe to some people, jumping from job to job doesn't look so great. May I tell you? This is not like me at all. I don't normally do this. But sometimes you have to take a step back and reflect on what the hell it is you're doing with yourself. Your life. Your career. And thankfully I had the love and support from my fiance to be able to do so.

Experiences, pain, suffering, victories, successes and failures
are all building blocks to the next best you.
A better you.

I'm feeling the balance that I've been searching for. I feel the weight being evenly distributed throughout my mind, body and life.

I start in a few weeks and couldn't be more excited.
Here's to a better me.


Cheers.

Where do you see yourself in ten years?

What does that mean to you?

Is it something within reach or is it something that seems impossible to have?

Are you currently working towards it right now? Everyday, you're waking up, living it and every move you make is thought out with your dream job in mind? Is it a dream job?

In order to make it in this world you have to work, right?

Unless you're a trust fund kid or somehow your looks alone keep getting you from point A to point B.

What if you don't quite know what your dream job is yet? You thought you did but then life happens and obstacles stand in your way. Which way do you turn? Do you keep fighting off everyday demons in order to keep going down that same path?

Or do you decide to stop and turn down a different direction and see if that road is easier or makes more sense to take?

Sometimes you think you have it all figured out until one day you realize it just doesn't make sense anymore. You've been doing the same thing for so long that you thought it was who you were. And then one day you realize it's just all you've ever known.

In the past, I felt like I needed to know coming out of high school (aka dropping out of high school and getting my GED), what I wanted to do and go for it. A lot of young people do. At first I tried to get into culinary school on my own and realized I couldn't afford it. I didn't really have the guidance and knowledge of loans or grants at the time. I moved out of my parents house at 17 and thought I knew it all. 

My dad was a contractor and my mom was a realtor so I paid for real estate schooling. I got all the way through my state exam and then I pulled out. The dues and costs of an office scared me and I knew it wasn't what I really wanted to do.

Then I finally got my dad to go with me to culinary school and we took out loans that were too big and I received a few grants and graduated culinary school. 

I am glad I went to culinary school because I learned a lot and had a lot of fun but the amount of debt I have from those loans will be with me for the rest of my life.

I worked my way up through some successful restaurants throughout Atlanta. 

Living in Atlanta and Decatur, that worked for me. My fiance worked as a bartender and we worked and lived the industry life. At that time in our lives, it made sense.

Atlanta and Decatur's food scene is worth checking out if you ever get the chance.
Hands down amazing.

Moving to California was a decision we made together. The main reason we moved is because we simply love California. It's breathtaking here. Other than the very unfortunate drought that we're in, it is perfect weather everyday. 

The life lessons we're learning are very valuable to us. However, you can go out and find opportunities everywhere! It all depends on what exactly you're looking for.

Now that we know we can survive out here, we know we can survive anywhere!

We've learned to budget our money because we absolutely have to but also because we should.

We use mint.com 

It's great. 

We know how much we need to be bringing in to pay all of our bills and still be putting away a good amount into savings. The savings is for our wedding, our honeymoon, future babies, etc.

When we first moved out here, I didn't think we were going to make it. A lot of that is because I can easily lose confidence in myself at the drop of a hat. It's like a sickness. You get super hyped up and proud of yourself. You go out and get something you've really wanted, like a new job or gig. And the moment you get it and all the excitement starts to simmer down, the evil insecurities start to creep in.

Did you just oversell yourself? Do you think you can do all the things you said you can? Are you sure you can pull this off? 

That kind of doubt can eat you alive. It's done it to me so many times.

I just went out and got something I have always wanted. It is basically my dream job.. 

It's too early to talk about right now but I got it. It's mine. The second I got it and the excitement started to go down, I immediately started doubting everything I said I could do. But I know I can do everything I said I can. I do it all the time. It's my life. 

Being confident and open to the world keeps me going. I have to keep going.

Someone asked me the other day where I see myself in ten years.

How can one possibly answer that? One, it's impossible. And two, I don't want to put ONE idea in my head of what I am going to be doing in ten years. 

All I know is that if I keep going, keep pushing and striving to be the best to myself and my loved ones and never lose that confidence that is going to give me every opportunity in the world, in ten years I will be exactly where I want to be.

Why I prefer morning yoga

At first it was hard waking up an hour earlier than I normally would; given that I already wake up two hours before I leave for work. Having to be at work at 9:30am, I wake up at 6am. Now, I wake up at 5, sometimes 4am just to do yoga. 

Why? 

It is almost better than coffee in the morning. And when you have both... Watch out world!
 

Morning
Ashtanga Yoga.

This practice teaches you a series of poses, breathing techniques and how to quiet and center the mind. I like doing this in the morning because it wakes me up and energizes me for the rest of the day. I enjoy the sweat and burn in the morning followed by a hot shower. It's very refreshing. Waking up earlier than normal gives me more time in the morning to get ready for work, enjoy a healthy breakfast and prepare for the day ahead.

Right now I mainly practice with Hulu Plus yoga videos. 

My favorite video is by Yasmin Yoga. 

Yasmin is simply amazing. She makes every pose seem so easy and gives very precise instructions for every position. I go back and forth through three episodes of hers and pick random ones every once and a while from other instructors. It's been a great introduction to where I can go at my own pace, in the privacy of my cozy home. I've seen enormous transformation within my physical and mental self.

March 23rd.

April 8th.

My butt and arms look totally different! I was wearing a tight thong (TMI?) in this picture so it squished the top of my butt into a point. Never again..

Evening
Form and pose practice.

I like to practice certain poses I'm struggling with or interested in. Right now I'm pretty obsessed with being able to do a proper arm stand so I can eventually do an awesome handstand.

Why a handstand?

If I can do a proper handstand I know I have great shoulder, back and core strength. Plus they look awesome when doing one. Standing upside down increases circulation and re-directs blood flow throughout the body. To condition myself I'm stretching daily and practicing my crane pose and arms stands.

CRANE POSE

This picture was taken March 23rd. I held this position for maybe two seconds.

This was taken April 15th. I held this position for over 15 seconds and was able to cross my feet and pull my abdomen in, focusing more on form than length of time. I have more muscle tone here and overall strength. Three weeks may seem like a long time to nail this down, but with work and a happy love life, I didn't practice this everyday. However, I am excited to see what I can do in another three weeks.

An arm stand is where your forearms are shoulder width apart and flat on the ground and your body is held upright by your amazing shoulder, back and core strength.

Nighttime 
Gentle and soothing yoga.

I find videos online for nighttime yoga. It's basically deep breathing and stretching to get you relaxed for a deep sleep. At night, stretching and concentration on my breath relieves me of any tension or stress. I wake up feeling overall well-rested.

The times where I can practice a couple times a day,
I feel powerful, courageous, confident and peaceful.

I am so passionate about this because of what it's done for me personally. I've struggled with depression for five years and have always felt the need to look fit. It was difficult for me to clear my head of all the pain and heartache I carried.
Yoga may seem overrated and has become somewhat of a trend that rich, suburban moms can only afford. But you don't have to go to an expensive yoga class and buy colorful yoga pants in order to try it for yourself.

I like sharing with you what it's done for me because of how powerful it makes me feel. If I can in any way help someone feel the same, I must share.

It has improved my body, mind, confidence and sex life. The breathing techniques I learned from yoga got me through tough situations, dealing with people that make me nervous.. like when I interviewed for the job I have now. In every interview I've ever had, I literally choked on my words and couldn't even say what I really wanted to say from being so extremely nervous and insecure.
I NAILED my last interview. I did most of the talking, saying exactly what I wanted to say and it ended with me asking my boss the tough questions.
Even now as I write this I am sitting straight up with my legs crossed because I am naturally and constantly aware of my posture and body.


Yoga has been a one-stop-shop for me and I am absolutely in love with it.

The give and take in my world of cooking

I think it's obvious that when you change jobs, move or stop doing the same thing you've been doing for the last several years, your priorities change.

When you do all three, you might feel a little lost.

When we first moved to northern California I had a difficult time adjusting to not being home in time to cook or eat dinner with my love. I grew up cooking dinner with my stepmom and eating dinner with the entire family at the table. As soon as I met my fiance, I tried winning him over with home-cooked meals to show my affection for him much like I've grown up seeing.

It's a southern thing and Korean culture to cook for your husband. Cooking for him has always been important to me.

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I no longer work 12 hours a day and am home now to cook and eat dinner with my man. 

It's awesome!

It's no surprise that California is one of the most expensive states to live in in the U.S. 

So when we first moved here and a loaf of bread cost nearly $3 and organic milk is $6.50, my priorities had to change.

I was like a child that didn't get my way. When we first went into the store with insane prices and hardly any organic options, I panicked.

What are we going to eat?!?!

I wanted to make mushroom ragout like we did at my old job.. 

I need red wine, herbs, five different types of mushrooms, garlic, heavy cream, I need to make beef stock.. Where are the beef bones??? 

 I stood there horrified.. I started going around picking up any vegetable that said organic and putting it in my basket with my bottom lip so far out you'd trip over it.

My world revolved around cooking and eating. It was all I could think about. What am I going to make, what are we going to eat this weekend, what do I need to buy to make this or that?

I'd spend $50 on ingredients for one meal. 

It got expensive because I was cooking like I was on Iron Chef.

When we got home from the store I realized I couldn't make big, elaborate dinners like before, every single night. We can't afford to. Spending $20 to make a sauce for one or two nights isn't smart. Not for us anyway. 

The slow realization came over me and it actually made me feel a sense of relief. 

There is more to life than cooking and eating. There is more to life than food. 

Yes, we need it to survive. It brings people together, it varies from culture to culture and is a beautiful thing we share with our loved ones. Trust me, I know.

But it consumed my mind, ego and bank account.

When my family back home comes to town or it's Thanksgiving at our house, of course I'm going to cook my heart out. I love it.

Making simple food is still pleasing to both me and my fiance. No one is at a loss, if anything, more of a financial and healthy gain. 

It's a give and take.

Of course, it's easier for us because we are a party of two. I know that one day this will no longer apply and we'll have to buy a little more but the principle remains the same. 

Don't get so worked up when you have to change your routine and a lifestyle you've become accustomed to. It's okay.

It took me weeks to figure out which grocery store I could go to for certain things. Thankfully I found a CSA that delivers in my neighborhood. It costs the same price as a grocery store, it's local, organic and is delivered right to my doorstep.

Farm Fresh To You

This week we got:

red leaf lettuce

asparagus

tokyo turnips

king richard leeks

kiwis

a bag of valencia oranges

a bag of fuji apples

enough for 4 people in this box.

Cost: $33

What I like about this is that it's seasonal, local and organic. Seasonal fruits and vegetables vary region-to-region. So far, this works for us. We get a delivery every week and can add or take off whatever we want. You can even add honey, coffee, trail mix, apple juice and eggs!

The price varies on size and you can have it delivered every week, every other, every three weeks or every four weeks.

I still go to the store for dog food, milk, coffee, etc. The point of a CSA isn't to cut out the trip to the store but to give us seasonal and organic options we can't exactly find in our local grocery stores.

With this I try and stretch as many simple meals as I can.. I always have things like quinoa, brown rice, lentils,  english muffins, dry beans, frozen vegetables and homemade vegetable stock I make with an on-going collection of vegetable scraps from cooking. Simmer vegetable stock for 30 minutes.

Not being so focused on what I'm going to cook every night frees up my time. I took on yoga two months ago and am so glad I did. It has changed my body physically and mentally. 

I used to spend an hour in the store and hours cooking in my kitchen. Before I knew it my night was half gone. Although I know my fiance appreciated the elaborate meals, he appreciates me spending time with him more and so do I. 

It's been a lot of give and take and a fun learning experience for us both.

I'm at that fun point in my adult life where shit is getting real. I'm 27, I'm planning a wedding, working a new job I'm not used to, living somewhere new, our rent is higher than I ever imagined, I have baby fever and am homesick.

I'm thankful for my fiance every single second of every single day. 

He is everything to me.

This blog keeps me going and I like sharing my experiences with you. 

Whoever you are.

I'm so happy it's Friday. 

I can taste the beer now...

Happy Friday everyone!